When Dating Someone New
Dating is fun when it is fresh and new, you may be blinded by the allure of the relationship before you get to truly know the person at his or her core. Do not ignore some red flags that pop up when you begin to date someone because this can save you from heartbreak later on if you learn the signs to look for now rather than later. Sometimes you may blow off a quality about a person that you are dating because it is something little, a minor flaw that you think you can revisit later.
“Everything is going great, except that your new partner slips into certain “bad habits” here and there. You can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t quite right.” — Dr.Harra
Most minor flaws that you feel in your gut about a person could be something more, like being rude to the waiter or not holding the door for you while you are walking into a room. Little things like this are a prelude to what you life will be together so if you see any of these ten red flags below you can shut it down before someone gets their heart broken.
1. You Have An “Off” Gut Feeling
Your intuition is that gut feeling that you get when you are around something or someone that just doesn’t quite feel right. It may be that you are somewhere and you do not feel safe. If you feel unsafe anytime that you are with this person you should get out immediately, do not underestimate the power of your intuition. However, a gut feeling also doesn’t always end up being about safety, it could also be about your partner telling lies. When they speak do you feel “a little off” and are unsure anything they say is actually true? This could be your body telling you that he or she is not the one and you should just end it now before you get trapped in a web of their lies and get your heartbroken. Proceed with caution in all new relationships and be sure not to ignore the way that you feel around this person the first few weeks of getting to know them because that feeling can tell you if you will be comfortable around them in the future or not.
2. It Is Just Too Complicated
No relationship is “easy” but sometimes a relationship can appear way more difficult than it should be and this is absolutely a red flag to look out for. In no way should you continue to struggle just to grab a coffee or grapple for something to chat about on the phone. Dating should be fun not like pulling teeth. Yes, of course all good relationships require work but there is a difference between working in a relationship and a relationship that works. Baggage from previous relationships can play a large part in the complication of your current relationship. They may have children with an ex and have to communicate on a daily basis with them in regards to their children. If that is something that doesn’t make you feel comfortable from the get go, it won’t get any better feeling. Leave and find a love that makes you want to be a part of their life, baggage or not. Dating should not be a chore. It should be fun.
3. They Don’t Have Your Back
If the person you are dating doesn’t have your back in any and all circumstances, that is a red flag. A couple should be a team, a team that supports and defends on another at all costs because he or she knows that you will do the same for them. You want to date someone that will help you and support you, not someone that will leave you in the dust when you need their help the most or someone that will gang up on you for a cheap laugh just to be a part of what everyone else is doing. Find a partner that will love you, defend you, and support you. You can tell even from the first few weeks of dating someone if they will have your back or not, so keep a sharp eye for these hints so that you are not hurt in the future by betrayal of your partner.
“When shade is thrown your way, he doesn’t come to your defense. In fact, sometimes he seems to egg it on. Unacceptable. What’s the point of having a partner if they’re not on your team?” -Devon
4. No Compromise
Now this red flag can be spotted right from the first time that you meet on your first date. It always takes awhile to decide on a location or activity but just take a look at the back and forth of the conversation, the flow if you will. You will be able to spot if he or she is giving in to your wishes, standing strong on what they want, or willing to meet in the middle with a compromise. You want to find someone that is willing to compromise because that is one of the things that you will need to do in a relationship, compromise. Now this is not to say that neither of you will get what you want, sometimes you give in and sometimes they give in but for the most part you both need to be able to find a solution that works best for you both. You do not want to share a life with someone that will throw a fit if the movie they want to watch is not the one that you both can agree on. Relationships are about give and take and you should look for the red flag of no compromise right from the first few times that you are together so that you will learn their habits and find out if they are selfish or willing to compromise for you to see both of you satisfied.
This is a BIG one. Someone that cheats on you, will probably do it again, and again, and again. Or at least they will lie to you and you will get hurt. If the person that you are with cheats on you in anyway, get out. You deserve someone that will be truthful and faithful. Infidelity shows that they do not respect you or your feelings.
“Often we hope we can change people or mold their character, or that they will somehow be “different” with us than they’ve been in their past relationships. He must change himself.” -Dr. Harra
You want someone that is all in with you, not all in everyone else. To some it may be common sense to leave after adultery is committed but others may be a little more forgiving. It is ok to forgive for lies but not for big lies like sleeping with another person while you are dating.
6. They Are Fake
Just because he buys you flowers, takes you to nice dinners and treats you like royalty does not mean anything if he cannot back it up. He may treat you nicely but doesn’t support your hopes and dreams. If he blows off the fact that you have dreams beyond with is immediately affecting his life with you then he is no good for you. You need someone that will not just buy you flowers but someone that will support the long hours you need to commit to your dream, whatever that may be. You do not want someone that is only in a relationship for themselves, a relationship is about more than just you or them, it is an “us” or a “we” not and “I” or a “me.”
7. No Self-Care
It is cute when you see a guy that has a scruffy beard or messy hair sometimes but not when you realize the reason of this unkempt look is because he is actually unkempt. There is a line between an effortless look and actually having no effort in your look. You want a man that is invested in themselves and the care of their body. Women can be neglectful of their self-care as well. If you see a woman doesn’t find time to do her nails or just simply doesn’t care to wear clothes that fit properly, just may have a low self-worth. How can you expect someone to care for you and your well-being if they do not even look out for themselves. Be sure to catch the red flags of self-care before you get too deep into it and make the mistake of being will someone that does not even care enough about themselves to take care.
8. He Talks Down To You
This red flag is just a “hell no” for you. Do not ever let a man make you think that you are less than you are. Dating someone that talks down to you will just eat at you and make you an insecure and hurt person. You deserve so much more and anyone that tells you you are not good enough or their are things that you need to work on about yourself can take a hike. Find someone that loves you for who you are and not what they want you to become.
9. Not Generous
A person’s generosity can be tested in so many different ways. A simple way to see what kind of person someone is is in a restaurant or service setting. The way that a person treats a person that is serving them can tell a lot about how they treat people in general. Tipping is in large part something to check out. Do they tip well? Do they not tip at all? It is not a thing of money but rather a thing of respect. Being a generous tipper means that they understand the service industry and respect those that serve you. Even if it is just a nice tip for the waiter at a diner, this shows generosity and compassion for others. You do not want to get mixed up with a bad tipper, they tend to be greedy and self centered.
10. Anger Issues
Natural mood swings are a factor in everyday life because we are all humans with a wealth of emotions. Therefore it is fine for us to feel our feelings everyday. However, if you find yourself dating someone that is quick to anger or short tempered understand that someday this may boil over onto you. You do not want to be in a relationship with someone too aggressive because if you find they get mad over little things very quickly this could be a red flag that you are finding yourself in a dangerous relationship. I am not saying you need to find yourself a zen master to date but just someone that is able to control their mood swings without giving you fear for yourself or your safety.