10 Steps To Successfully DTR

Hily Dating App
5 min readApr 9, 2018

DTR = Define The Relationship

Whether you have been dating for a few weeks or a few months there is always a thought that lingers in your mind, “what are we?” If you have not defined yourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend, or monogamous, or whatever then you will always have that question in the back of your mind. After a while, there comes a time when you need to take a second with yourself and decide what is going on and where you want this relationship to go. Once you have done that it is time to have “the talk” and define the relationship with your partner so neither of you wastes your time. Here are ten steps you can follow to successfully define the relationship, hopefully, so there is no confusion throughout the process and it eases the minds of both parties involved.

Self Reflection

This is the obvious first step to making any moves in your relationship. Light a candle, grab some paper and a pencil. Rather than just pulling out your phone, actually, write down your reflection because then the connection is much stronger. There are studies that show the written word is far more meaningful than if you were to type up your thoughts on Notepad on your computer. Take a few deep breaths and enjoy the calm moment you are in and then begin to ask yourself questions about the relationship you are in. What are we? What do I want out of this partnership? Is there an end goal? Do I love this person? Asking questions like this to yourself will help decide whether or not you are ready to commit to a relationship and define yourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend or if you are not looking to get serious and you just want to keep it simple. Either way, you need to realize where you stand on your own before you have the talk so that you do not get bullied into something that makes you uncomfortable.

Take The Pressure Off

Sometimes a perfectly could be ruined by pressure. Do not jump into necessarily pressuring your partner into a relationship by being pushy about things. Being pushy can scare them off and end a relationship before it even has the chance to begin. When you are sure you want a relationship to ease into the conversation and wait for a good time so that no one is caught off guard or spooked out of anything.

Let It Be

If you are looking to define the relationship but not sure how to start sometimes just sitting back and letting it be can do the trick. Allow the relationship to evolve on its own without intervention and you may not even need to have an official talk, things will just fall into place. This is not always the case but you may luck out every once in awhile.

Plan It Out

It is always good to have a plan, with anything you do, especially things that involve your relationship. Decide when, where, how, and what to say. This way you can be in the proper setting with a plan of attack rather than just spur of the moment at a coffee shop without any warning. Also, be sure to tell your partner that the talk about defining the relationship is going to happen so that they are not thrown off either.

Have The Conversation On A Good Day

Make sure neither of you has major plans afterward, you may need to decompress after a long conversation such as this.

Private Location

Maybe have the conversation at one of your houses or a shared favorite spot such as a nice quiet park bench. A place that is special to both of you but also private and relaxed atmosphere.

Get In The Zone

Don’t run in blind to the conversation. This is a big deal and you need to focus up so that you can be the best version of yourself and have a straightforward mind to conquer everything that is about to go down. Do you have daily rituals such as yoga or boxing? Or do you zen out after a good run or cup of tea? Whatever gets you centered, do it. You need to be in the zone and relaxed before chatting about your future with your partner. You do not want any brain fuzz to get in the way of making such a huge decision.

Introduce The Conversation Casually

“I’m having fun with you and I want more…” Starting your talk with a nice opener such as this is great. You are starting on a casual and positive note. Maybe even give them a few compliments to make them feel like they are in a safe space so they too are ready to open up and be honest. Having the conversation start out casual will relieve some of the pressure of having “the talk.”

Be Flexible

Consider compromises when you are talking about the status of your relationship. You may not get everything you want and your partner may not get everything he or she wants but if you want your relationship to work then there needs to be room for flexibility and compromise. All relationships take work, no matter how you end up defining them. Let it be friends, friends with benefits, polyamorous, or monogamous.

Communicate Clearly

To listen to your partner is the greatest kindness you can give them. Listen and hear out their side of things and why they want to define or not define the relationship. Be open, flexible, and considerate. Also, when it is your turn to speak make sure that you spell out all of your wants and needs so that there is no room for error or confusion. You do not want to leave the define the relationship conversation more confused than when you entered.

Now that you have all of the information you can set aside some time for yourself to collect your thoughts and feelings about your relationship and then define the relationship with your partner. If all goes well you will leave the conversation as part of something more and if not then it was not meant to be and no more time will be wasted on a lost cause. If anything is sure to remain positive throughout the conversation and listen very carefully.

If you are still looking for that special someone to even have a relationship with let alone, defining it, take a look at Hily. Hily is an online dating app for singles to meet one another and spark up something special. Download it today and start talking. Happy Dating!



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