Image for post
Image for post

5 Differences Every Single Should Know

To be alone is a state of being rather than an emotion, loneliness is an emotion. If you are single then you are alone but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are lonely. Being single can be quite liberating. Being alone does not mean you have to be miserable, you can find peace in the fact that being alone can teach you things about yourself and others that you would not normally discover if you were with someone.

“The main difference between being alone vs. lonely is that lonely people aren’t happy with their situation. Being alone is a state of being and being lonely is an emotional response to it. You can be alone and very happy, but when you’re lonely, you long for a change.”

- Amber Brooks, lifestyle blogger

There is merit to solitude. As a single person, you can seek out adventure and passion for life without having a partner. If you are alone you wake up to no one, answer to know one, and live life according to your own schedule and agenda. To some this may seem empty but you can live such a full and meaningful life while alone. In fact, the life you lead may mean more than if you had shared it with someone because you are doing things that only you want and not anyone else.

Loneliness however, can be sad. You can also be lonely while you are not alone. People can feel loneliness when they are in a relationship. Believe it or not you are more likely to feel lonely when you are with people than if you are alone. Regardless if you are in a relationship or not here are the five difference that you should understand between feeling lonely and being alone.

  • You Have The Time To Think About Yourself

Rather than being lonely and basking in your sorrows of single life you can focus on yourself and think about everything you want to do. After all, you don’t have to ask anyone’s opinion for anything because it’s just you. When you are alone you can think about what you want for dinner, what friends you want to hang out with and what color you should paint your walls. These are everyday things that you should be focusing on rather than being lonely about your lack of partnership.

  • People Who Are Alone Enjoy “Me Time”

Spending time alone can be refreshing, and rather it should be refreshing. A way to recharge your brain and center yourself on a positive focus in your life moving forward. Why do you think mothers always want to get away from the family. They need a break from the day to day so that they can recharge and be the best mothers they can when they return refreshed and renewed. Being alone gives you many more hours in the day. You can go to the gym and workout for an hour without having to make sure that time isn’t being taken from someone else. When you are with someone you may go to the gym with them and this will take focus off your health goals because then the gym will become more of a social event rather than your initial health goal of bettering yourself for your own wants and not someone else’s.

If you are lonely you may or may not be in a relationship already. You can feel lonely while being with someone. You just may not be happy with the person that you are with which causes you to feel lonely. Or you are not in a relationship, you are alone, and you are also lonely because the idea of being alone makes you unhappy. One can cause the other, although that is not always the case. When you feel lonely in a group of people or when you are with someone then you may try altering how you think about things. Maybe instead of withholding your loneliness and digging a deeper hole of sadness you could engage with those around you and your emotions will change according to your level of interaction with others.

  • Loneliness Can Make You Feel Tired

Loneliness can mimic the symptoms of depression. A single person tends to focus on the things that they do not possess rather than the great things that they do possess. If you are single and lonely there is only one thing usually on your mind…not having a romantic relationship with someone. But rather than basking in your loneliness you should reap the benefits of being alone. There are many benefits for both health and mental status of being alone that you will discover. So many great things can come from being alone. You don’t need to be sad and depressed about it you should take advantage of the alone time you have whilst you are single rather than being sad about it. Turn a negative into a positive.

“It can be hard to be alone — I get it. A part of us wants the hero to join our love story. A part of us wants to kiss someone at noon and not just at midnight. A part of us wants security even if it means responsibility. A part of us wants earth-shattering love.” -Sonya Matejko, blogger

Being alone allows you to have less money problems, get a better night sleep, and also you will have more time for fitness and health so you can workout and eat better instead of worrying about another person in your life. You can focus solely on bettering yourself and yourself alone.

  • Being Alone Can Give You A New Hobby

The more time you spend with yourself the greater friendship with your personal development you will gain. Hobbies are so beneficial to our mental health. When you have an activity or hobby that you can focus all your time and energy on that has nothing to do with your life or work it creates space for internal growth and mental freeness. Taking yourself out of the work mode and day to day life stuff you can be more creative and take time to do something fun. You may know what you like to do as a hobby, like scrapbooking, photography, or even writing. Or you may discover a new hobby that you otherwise would not have found you liked if you were in a relationship. Your alone time will guide you to a fresh hobby that makes you happy and healthy in your single life.

  • Lonely Singles Think About Their Next Relationship

We always want what we don’t have and in the case of a lonely single, something that they do not have is a romantic relationship. If you are alone AND lonely then your mind will be on repeat when you think about the fact that you are alone and it will become a vicious cycle of sadness. Don’t dwell on singledom, embrace it. You can be alone without being lonely. If you perpetually think about the next relationship you will be in then you will distract yourself from what really matters in life and you may end up with the wrong person. Maybe you were supposed to meet the love of your life at an intramural basketball game and you are too caught up with being lonely that you don’t do things that you love that will guide you to the person you are supposed to be with.

“Lonely singles, like I was in high school, make getting a boyfriend or girlfriend their life’s mission. They spend hours upon hours swiping on dating apps. They constantly think about where and when they’ll meet someone new.” — Amber Brooks, lifestyle blogger

Don’t let society perpetuate you into thinking that you NEED to be with someone either. It is just fine being alone and you should embrace it rather than feel like you are missing something. When you feel lonely, begin to journal about your life, where you want to be career wise, love wise, and health wise. Take a serious look at the entry and find parts of your life that you can add something to that will get you closer to those goals. For example, if all you can think about is finding someone to date next because you are lonely it will deter the rest of your life completely. Love is great but you are better. Create a life that you love and want to share with someone. A life that you are proud of. If you are lonely it is most likely a deeper issue, not just that you are alone.

What is your next step? Are you alone and going to enjoy every minute or are you lonely and are you going to begin to live a life of purpose rather than being depressed and hopeless for the future?

Image for post
Image for post

Written by

The smartest dating app there is, Hily caters to those tired of endless swiping. On Medium we're gladly sharing our expertise in dating.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store