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Holding Opposites

Contradictions In Relationships

Relationships can get kind of sticky after you have been together long enough. Contradictions come up with no hint at a resolution. The trick to dealing with contradictions in relationships, otherwise known as what you allow yourself to tolerate from your partner, is to communicate. Tell your partner when you find contradictions pop up and this will encourage them to do the same for you. The reason that you get angry or annoyed so easily now with your partner is because you have met your threshold of “annoyance” for one single person.

“The possibility for re-connection in our marriage or relationship is related to how we handle the contradictions we inevitably encounter; how we hold opposites. Our ability to tolerate, and as we’ll see, transform, our experience of contradiction into something more powerful requires a certain kind of personal capacity.”

You must tread lightly with your voicing of differences and make your partner aware of why you are all of a sudden talking to them about the laundry they leave on the floor or how much time they spend on Twitter. Explain that whenever your speak out about an “annoyance” it is to better connect with each other to make space for love and get rid of any bad feelings or negativity that is holding back your relationship from moving forward. For example, if you spend all of your time hating your partner for all the things that they do that annoy you then you do not have any room for love and compassion to grow with them and create a beautiful life together.

“With some practice allowing contradiction, it begins to transform. Contradiction that is allowed, that is honored, can begin to mature into its wise relative: paradox.”

Contradiction in relationships should not be the end of one, they should just be a bump that you need to get over together. Everyone is allowed to be annoyed with someone that they love but we all only have so much room for any given amount of qualities that are less than desirable. Find the ones that you can deal with and speak out about the ones you cannot.

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