The Reality Of The Bedroom In Married Life
The joke is that marriage is where sex goes to die. That does not sound funny nor accurate. It is the PERSON that chooses to let the sex go not the MARRIAGE. Let’s take a look at what a healthy amount of sex looks like in a marriage and compare it to some real life couples. Can you guess what the right amount is? Is there a right amount? Or does it depend on a case by case basis? Read along and find out more with me now.
“Generally speaking, a sexless marriage is one in which a committed couple has sexless than 10 times per year. About 15 to 20 percent of long-term couples fall into this category. This may or may not be an issue, depending on the couple.”
You think sexless and you would imagine that it means, “absence of” but actually sex only once a month is considered “sexless.” THAT IS CRAZY.
National Sex Average
Based on data from 2017 the average amount of sex unmarried couples are having is eight to twelve times a month. Data taken from a similar survey showed the average amount of sex married couples are having is a “few” times a month. The unmarried couples are having DOUBLE the sex that married couples are. Why is that? Does sex equal love, no. Just because a married couple is having less sex does not mean that they are any less in love. There are factors that are in a marriage that are not necessarily in an unmarried couples life.
“They might say the average couple has sex 12 times a month, or 2 times a month. Or maybe they’ll tell you they have sex 1.4 times a week. These are all true statistics, supported by scientific research.”
Factors Leading To Less Sex In A Marriage
Married couples have a few more obstacles than unmarried couples. Typically children play a large factor in this whole picture. If your kids are around you can’t get down…cute little phrase huh? Ha! But, realistically the only time that married couples can get it on are in the shower or after hours once the house is all settled and asleep. This brings your sex data down a bit because if you can only have sex after 10pm you may be too tired anyways. You cannot blame the lack of sex in your marriage on your kids or on lack of love. This is just how it is. You can be intimate emotionally with your partner and get the satisfaction you need to hold you over until your next squish session.
Another factor that leads to less sex in a marriage is tiredness. If you have a full-time job and kids, by the end of the day you are wiped! The laundry needs to be folded but you haven’t slept with your wife in two weeks…sometimes you have to put chores over your sex-life because it impedes on your day to day schedule. This is a bit frustrating but that is what happens in adulthood. You must make difficult decisions with great foresight of the future implications. Sometimes however you need to say forget it and throw your wife on the pile of laundry and do it until the morning light. You can’t always be a responsible adult. That is just no fun.
Freedom Of Unmarried Couples
Generally speaking unmarried couples may live together. Uh oh. Living in sin. Just kidding, that is a very old school way of think about life. Couples cohabitate without being married but it is still different relationship because marriage is not simply living together it is a commitment with much more dedication and responsibilities that just sharing a roof with someone.
Is It Technologies Fault?
Catching up on the news on Reddit, keeping loyal to your Tuesday night shows, even PC gaming can put a halt to sexy time. There are so many more DISTRACTIONS in 2017 that there never really were ten years ago. Cellphones suck you in with social media at your fingertips. Games allure and entice you with the hopes of earning bitcoin but at what cost? Your intimacy is more important in your marriage than your Netflix queue.
“There are now so many other ways to spend leisure time at home,” she says. The allure of Netflix and other device-based diversions may be elbowing sex aside.”
Not to say that sex only happens when you are bored but on any given night think about what you do. Come home from work, order dinner or start cooking dinner, eat, clean-up, check Reddit or News on your phone. Before you know it you are scrolling through your phone and your husband is gaming and it is 11pm and you haven’t had sex since the 5th and it is quickly approaching the 28th…what is wrong with that picture? You are not supposed to coexist side by side. You should coexist as one. A couple. Two parts of a whole. It is ok to have hobbies but not if they are all consuming. Technology is putting a much annoyed damper on the intimacy of many couples. Yes, Netflix and chill is a thing for young daters but once you get married it turns to Netflix and snooze. Your daily life gets all consuming and you forget the reason you are in the relationship you are in in the first place. Where do we draw the line for tech in a relationship? We don’t, because everyone is different. My only advice I can give is to put down the phone and pick-up some roses and get to it. Sex is an integral part of a marriage. If you think it is just a minor perk that you get then you are seriously mistaken. Sex can put you on the same emotional page aS your spouse, sex can be restorative. There is a lost connection with sexless marriages that just don’t have that “something” that marriages with sex in them have.
“Try to be satisfied with this truest of all answers: Some couples are having more sex than you are, some are having less, and if you want to improve your sex life, statistics are the last thing that will help.”
Do not compare yourself to others but DO recognize your sex life and make sure that it is a positive and healthy experience. Sex is important and everyone should know that.
SO HOW MUCH SHOULD I HAVE?!?!
A healthy marriage by standards of many different researchers has sex three times a week or roughly fifty-four times a year. If you are at or above that, claps for you. If you are at or below that, why? Reflect on your lack of sex. Is it the kids? Are you tired? Is it your technology? Does your artificial buzzy friend satisfy you better so who need the real thing? What did you choose? Write it down and say it out loud. This makes the issue become real. Then get your husband stare him in the eyes and say, “our lack of sex in this marriage is because…” Opening up to him will be the first step on the road to intimacy. Give it a few weeks adjusting to a different schedule and hopefully you will be much more satisfied in all parts of your relationship.