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Slow Dating: Stop The Swipes

The Latest Dating Trend That Shows Better Results

Slow and steady wins the race. Have you ever heard that saying? This common saying is now the mantra for dating apps. Keeping your swiping to a minimum, it is found that only having a few options a day can result in better dating turnouts. That makes sense right? Rather than swiftly swiping through twenty photos (or more) in one night you are only able to get to know a few men or women and it forces you to look deeper into his or her profile and find something you may have missed if you followed your regular swiping patterns.

What is it?

Slow dating is a new trend that dating apps are using to create a better opportunity to meet someone properly. Typically, dating apps allow you to swipe through as many different people as you want and you can get matched up with upwards of thirty people in one afternoon. There is no way you are going to be able to properly follow up with thirty dates in a timely manner, let alone choose which ones you want to meet in person. The human brain is magnificent but even we are not capable of juggling that many balls at one time. That is why slow dating has come along. Dating app runners understand the frustration that their users feel and they now have created an opportunity to date slowly by only “meeting” one person per day you are given the opportunity to get to know them and decide if you are willing to date them or not without having to make a rash decision.

Too Many Choices

By creating an environment with many dating apps and having more than enough suitors we are overwhelming ourselves. First, you need to choose which of the hundreds of dating apps fits your needs and then once you have selected that you must decide from hundreds of more suitors that you are paired with by the algorithms within your chosen dating app. It is not only overwhelming for the average person to deal with all of these choices for a simple coffee date, it is in a way self-sabotage. By living in an altered reality of online dating app where you have hundreds of men and women at your fingertips, why would you choose just one at a time?

“There’s an illusion of plentifulness. It makes it look like the world is full of more single, eager people than it probably is.” — Ashley Fetters, a 26-year-old editor at GQ

Having such a large selection of people to date can result in failed relationships because you will have an itching feeling, “why settle now, I have so many guys or girls to choose.” That lingering thought will create a wedge in your relationship and doom your relationship to fail in the end because you have too many choices. By narrowing down the people that are available to you on dating sites, it will help you form a positive and genuine bond with someone and the others simply won’t matter because you have taken the time to get to know them more than just swiping right to their picture along with twenty other men or women in the same afternoon.

Cognitive Overload

Results from many different studies have concluded that online dating apps create a cognitive overload in the user’s mind. Cognitive overload is when you are given too many choices and your brain cannot compute a proper and sound decision because it is overloaded with so much information. This is to say that the effects of online dating app have made people blind to really looking into the profile of another person because they are matched with so many people and rarely even have the chance to follow up on a swipe because the suitors are endless.

“The Verge reported that Fisher said the biggest problem with dating apps is “cognitive overload,” adding that “the brain is not well built to choose between hundreds or thousands of alternatives.” Fisher advises people to stop when they’ve hit nine matches and consider those.” — Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist

All of this information has resulted in dating apps slowing things down and only giving each person a few people or even only one person per day to be matched with. This is called “slow dating”. You are able to connect with one person per day and if you do not feel a vibe with them after 24 hours, you can move onto the next individual.

Why Pace Matters

Dating is overwhelming to anyone, whether you are trying to meet someone on a dating app or on the weekend at a bar or club. There are SO MANY people to choose from. How can you find a proper match if you are unable to zero in on one person on any given day? That is where slow dating comes into play. Slow dating creates an environment for compassion and connection. By only giving yourself one person to choose from you are more able to judge their character and weigh out the options as to whether or not you would make a good match. There is a merit to only meeting one person at a time. That is why matchmaking is so successful. You are given a properly curated human that meets all of your needs and you can take your time in getting to know them properly by eliminating all your other choices that used to cloud your vision.

Slow dating is mimicking matchmakers in the sense that you are only dating one person at a time. It gives you a chance to connect with someone before writing them off and swiping to the next eligible bachelor or bachelorette.

“There’s someone who suits you well enough — and once you decide you’re going to be in a relationship with that person, you mold the relationship into something that suits you even better.” — Esther Perel, therapist

All in all, dating takes time and as long as you understand that then you will be able to find someone to love and love you back. Love takes time, dating takes time, and if you begin using the dating trend of slow dating hopefully you can take the time to meet someone great and create a bond that lasts a lifetime.

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The smartest dating app there is, Hily caters to those tired of endless swiping. On Medium we're gladly sharing our expertise in dating.

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