That Is Not How I Thought It Would Go…

What People Usually Expect From Online Dating

Online dates can become your future or your worst nightmare. The whole idea of online dating is just now becoming a social norm. More times than not someone will reply to the question, “where did you meet your husband?” with some for of online dating as an answer. This is due to the fact that online dating is easier to do when you live a fast paced lifestyle or if you are on your second try at love and you just don’t want to mess with the bar scene this time around.

“Survey findings show that about quarter (21 percent) of Americans believe that online dating is for the desperate. On the flip side, about 85 percent of single Americans believe that online dating is socially acceptable.”

Online dating comes with many surprises mostly because people go into online dating with preconceived notions that are not fulfilled. The commercials that portray happy go lucky couples that are matched up and hit it off immediately are highly dramatized. Real life is nowhere near close to what those paid actors and actress’ “feel” on screen. Another thought is that men and women view how online dating will go differently. So not only is it not like you think but gender determines how you view how your experience will go also. Men see it more as a quick way to meet women without all the fuss and women see it as a way to meet men while being able to go through their profile with a fine tooth comb. Just for ease of access I took a look at both sides of things and separated them into how women view online dating and how men view online dating and then conclude with the reality of it all for both of them.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and conventional wisdom both suggest that love is a fundamental human need.”

Society has preconceived notions of online dating. There used to be a stigma with the thought that online dating is only for the desperate or socially inept because why can’t someone just meet in person at the grocery store or at the bar like all the other “normal” people. However, and thankfully society has changed their views a bit because we are more online focused, online dating has become more socially acceptable because everyone is so busy with careers that the ease of finding someone online is extremely less stressful than wasting their time all night at a bar looking for mr. or ms. right. No one has the time to search anymore because they are at the office from 8am to 7pm and at the end of the day who really wants to do anything other than go home and take off their pants. I know I don’t want to get all gussied up to socialize with creeps and strike out all to go home alone with no progress every night.

“According to The New York Times, 11 percent of American adults have enrolled in an online dating service.”

With online dating people are truly finding ways to meet other people without messing up their day to day schedule. Online dating is not lazy it is convenient. You can make you profile in a matter of minutes and sit in your comfy pants on the couch or on the train on your way to work and swipe through guys or girls that you would like to take out to dinner. This is much more tech-forward than spending every Friday and Saturday night at the bar “hoping” to match up with a potential mate that wants more than just some naked time with you. People that use online dating are in it for specific reasons. There are sites for hookups and there are sites for relationships. You can sign up for which one suits your current lifestyle and be happy with the results.

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The Difference Between Men And Women

Men and women alike come into dating with what they think things will be like. They may think that a man will sweep them off their feet and all will be right with the world or they may think that a woman so beautiful will just fall into their inboxes because they make a certain about of money. These are all wrong and rarely com to forwishen. Men and women have different expectations for online dating. Men seem to be more focused on looks. Women seem to materialistic and focused on career and salary.

Men

Be skeptical, Women will lie to you

Men seem to be more cautious when they meet women online because they are afraid that the women are just going to lie to them to get what they want. Yes, you should be careful with what people tell you on the internet but you should not be so hesitate that you are unable to form relationships.

Big boobs means big issues

Just because a woman looks drop dead gorgeous does not mean that she will be crazy. This does pose the question, if she is so beautiful why does she need to date online, she should have met someone already…well, online dating is not just for people that haven’t found someone yet. Online dating is for everyone in a variety of different circumstances.

Women are desperate, not wife material

Men fear that they will only find women for booty calls and they won’t be able to “wife up” a woman on a dating site. Well, there are different types of dating sites so that you can find a wife on some and a hookup on others. Just make sure that you are using the correct site for your wants and needs.

She just wants my money

Classic fear and preconceived notion that women are only online dating to get a sugar daddy. This might be the case for some but definitely a small percentage. Most of the time you will find honest women looking for love.

Women

Men will have boats, and mansions

Yes, some guys will have these things but most times you will find that just because they are on a boat in their profile picture they may not actually own a boat. So ladies, don’t go into things thinking that just because his profile is nicely polished means that so is he. You don’t judge a book by it’s home page.

Men only want to hook up

There are so many women that fear men are only trying to hook up. Believe it or not there are some men out there that are genuine and want to get to know you and not just use you for sex. You may have to try a little harder to look for them but I can promise you that they are out there.

How has he not met someone yet

Ok, so why does the handsome guy have a profile on a dating site? He went to a great school, he looks like a GQ model and he loves kids! Geez, he has the whole package. Just because a man is flawless online does not mean he has something wrong with him. He could just be an awesome guy, give him a chance.

He just wants my money

Classic fear and preconceived notion that men are only online dating to get a sugar mama, This might be the case for some but definitely a small percentage. Most of the time you will find honest men looking for love.

“51% of all online dating people are in a relationship, only 21% are really single and 11% are married.”

No matter what side you are on it seems that regardless of gender there brings struggle for both men and women when it comes to expectations. Also, according to statistics there is a chance that you are expecting to find someone else that is single to date when in actuality 51% of people that are on dating sites are already in a relationship but still looking. So all in all, proceed with caution and don’t build up expectations too much for online dating is just like real life, fun, risky, and full of surprises.

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The smartest dating app there is, Hily caters to those tired of endless swiping. On Medium we're gladly sharing our expertise in dating.

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