Why are we so unpopular on dating apps?

One does not simply download a dating app without an end goal in mind. 60% of the newly registered will leave the dating site within three months. 30% will do that during their first week on a site or app. But why? Why would someone give up so easily? The five main expectations that people bring to a dating site are as follows:

1. Users expect dating sites to be interchangeable with social networks.

2. A flooded inbox on day one. Reality is there may only be a few responses.

3. Effort is not put in as much as it is needed for dating sites. Responding to messages and updating your profile needs to be done much more frequently than you would think. Users assume they can check on it once a week but it is a daily activity.

4. Too high of a bar has been set. You seek someone that checks off everything on your list but it is rare that any one person can do that.

5. You focus too much on other users profiles. Yes, a profile is important but it is just a snapshot of the whole person. A person’s profile is the cliff notes of their life and you need to read the whole book and get to know them.

Once all of these expectations have been minimized or altered and you finally do meet a couple of people that you can see yourself with, it begs the question: Is it love? Or is it a hookup? Maybe I just like the positive attention?

Unless you live under a technological rock, you have some form of presence on social media. But, why? Isn’t texting or calling enough? Why does your old college roommate need to know that you had a Panini for lunch? The answer is affirmation. A wave of endorphins hits our bloodstream when we see the amount of likes any given post has that we put up on our wall for all to see. It is gratifying, a sense of togetherness and approval. Your dog is still cute even if he only gets five likes. But it is that much more satisfying if he gets thirty likes.

Individuals turn to social media not only for the need to feel accepted but to form tribes and make connections

With the use of Facebook’s “Groups” you can chat with like-minded individuals that share common interests. How cool is that? You can have three hundred “friends” that you have never met face to face. People form close and meaningful friendships that are very real with people they have never even heard speak face to face. The internet is filled with possibility on forums such as this.

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This is not only a tool for connections but a tool for news and communication. On Twitter you have 140 characters to get a quick laugh out of your audience or join in on a trending conversation that is happening around the world. Social media draws the map of the world so much closer together than it actually is. When a crisis occurs across the world, people can get updates and play by plays in real time on Twitter or Facebook.

Along the same lines there is an anonymity feel as well. You can be exactly who you want on the internet. Social media is a guard and a mask to beautify the real you. Yes, some people are pretty honest in their profiles but most are not. You can fudge your height, weight, schooling, just about anything. Lying about this on social media is one thing but you are only cheating yourself if you lie about this kind of information on a dating app. Being your most honest self whilst dating online is not only helpful to you but your potential suitors as well.

The only difference between a dating app and a social media app is the goal

Social media has a goal or friendship and recognition. Dating apps have a goal of finding love and also sometimes just to hook-up. Social media is to form relationships and chat on a surface level. Dating apps are designed to reach deeper, to guide you in the direction of love and companionship…or there are dating apps that can just help you get some. Both, lasting relationships to help and support your well being. Both, a common human need to be liked both romantically and platonically. That is the beauty of the internet. No matter which goal you have of the two, or even both you can achieve with the click of a button.

Expectations Meet Reality

Dating apps may download in seconds but it takes time to get a serious conversation started. Stat on effort in dating sites here. Men go on dating sites and think they will be flooded with beautiful and willing women in their inbox the minute they sign-up.

On the contrary, men rarely get replies because women are very picky when it comes to online dating

They can take a fine tooth comb through your life in a matter of minutes and decide if you are a waste of time or worth a conversation. For women, if your picture is very flattering and you are clearly beautiful you will get a lot of replies and messages but not from the company that you would want. They message the pretty people because they are pretty rather than sifting through a deeper level of that person.

With all of this activity in your inbox attractive men and women soon grow tiresome of the empty responses they receive and do not continue with the dating app any further.

Tell me I’m Pretty

Just like on social media some women make a dating profile just to gain positive recognition. A good way to gain confidence with your peers is to receive positive feedback and recognition about your looks and lifestyle choices.

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Photo by Atikh Bana on Unsplash

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They create a profile not with hopes of meeting the love of their life but to seek attention from men. This can be troublesome for the men reaching out to them. What a false message they are sending. On both dating sites and social networks people may never actually meet in real life. There are many different reasons that someone will not get coffee with you in person. They could be faking who they really are, you could have been talking online for so long that you both built up a perfect relationship and meeting in person would bring fear of failure. Either way, dating takes time but not too much.

There is a window that you need to nail between meeting online and meeting in person so that you do not end up deleted from someone else’s account

You could also never meet because the person has gone off the site completely. On dating sites people lose interest or become not active on the site because they have meet someone and no longer need it or they are bored and tried some other avenue for dating. On social networks however, people do not typically delete accounts unless they feel threatened or are going off the grid completely. But social nets mostly fill your needs and meet your expectations, whereas online dating does not.

Putting Your Best Face First…Literally

Beauty gets results online. If you put a smoking hot photo of yourself on your online dating app you will be guaranteed a full inbox by morning. Humans are visual creatures. The only way to sort out who we like and do not like is partly physical. You find someone that you are attracted to and then go from there to build a relationship.

When you setup your account, put an attractive and positive photo of yourself in your profile that will draw users in

Follow these guidelines from Hily to achieve the best avatar for your profile.

  • High quality photos
  • Face clearly visible
  • Face occupies at least 1/3 of a photo

Save your cat and dog photos for your album within your profile. And do not forget it is imperative that you fill out your information with truth and relatability so that other users can have a chance to get to know you before they actually begin talking to you. That way you waste no one’s time. Dating apps are created to have an online forum where like minded people can meet and later fall in love. The idea when you join a site such as Hily or download an app such as Tinder, you are looking for something and that something is usually love.

Install this amazing free dating app here — hily.com

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The smartest dating app there is, Hily caters to those tired of endless swiping. On Medium we're gladly sharing our expertise in dating.

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