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Why Do We Compete With Those We Love?

Take a second, think about your partner and reflect on the last conversation you had with them. Was it positive? Was it negative? Were you happy with how the conversation ended? Life is too short to have anything but positive and productive conversations. There is nothing wrong with a little healthy competition between loved ones, but when it reflects negatively on your relationship then there needs to be an end to the competitions.

“She silently stepped out of the race that she never wanted to be in, found her own lane and proceeded to win.”

Think Of The Fields That You Compete In

  • Work

There is a place and time for competition. Are you competitive with your colleagues. This is a correct outlet for a competitive nature. Wanting to be the best is not bad when you are at work. Usually being the best will create grounds for a promotion or raise. With success at work comes success at home. Channel that competitive spirit at work so you can come home and be at peace with your partner.

  • Sports

No shame in wanting to win. Joining an intramural team at your local gym can help release your sense of competition by winning a few games of volleyball or basketball with some co-eds. Not only are sports an excellent way to keep fit physically, they can keep your mind sharp and get the competition out of your relationship because you have scratched that itch on the court rather than in the bedroom.

  • Love

This is the one category that is a non ideal competition situation. Why would you want your partner to have anything but success? By competing in a relationship, at sex, games, or work performance you are only doing a disservice to yourself. Couples should compete but compete together for a common good that will strengthen and enlighten your relationship.

Are You Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships?

Once upon a time, there was a girl that lived in a land of bustling streets and tall buildings. The land of New York City. However, not only is this land beautiful, it is filled with beautiful people. The girl always felt like she was never enough for her boyfriend, and this resulted in insecurities in her relationship. She was always comparing herself to other women that we MORE beautiful, MORE successful, and just MORE overall than her. This is all subjective of course. However this feeling of competition not only was for herself it spread to her boyfriend. She started comparing him to other men and competing him in imaginary duels to win her heart. Extravagant yes, but does this all happen to women in real life…yup. If you have ever felt in the slightest like the girl from New York City then you may have insecurities in your relationship that stem from a competitive nature personality trait.

“Real learning comes about when the competitive spirit has ceased.”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

Competitive Much?

How do you know if you are competing with your partner, or do you just have a natural competitive streak in general. Well, part of being a successful couple is being happy for each other in all situations no matter the outcome. Supporting your partner when they are down and building up their self-esteem when things don’t go as planned. You should not be berating your loved ones or putting them down in anyway just to compete with them or to “win” at something. You and your partner are a team and teams do not compete against each other, they work together for a common goal. So maybe you should take a look at these six signs below to see if you are too competitive with your partner and why.

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Photo by CloudVisual on Unsplash

Here Are Six Signs You’re Too Competitive With Your Partner:

  • You are hoping he doesn’t do something too well.

Everyone strives for perfection in a person, that is why millennials aren’t settling down until later in life because they need to have all of their p’s and q’s checked off before they make the commitment. Finding a man to be with that is a high achiever will be difficult if you are also a high achiever. You will always want to be the best and not want him to succeed or at least succeed but not so well that you look like you are less than him. This is so backwards because loving someone means we want the best for them and asking them to be anything less than who they are is competitive and selfish.

  • You feel angry at him after he has a success.

Grrrrrrr…..why must he always get a raise before I do! You think to yourself quietly but with great rage while you are in bed lying next to the enemy. Feeling angry like this is irrational and childish. You should not be so competitive with your partner that you feel actual rage.

  • You feel panicky about your talents, after he does something you consider your strength.

Have a mini panic attack when he comes home with good news? In no way is that healthy relationship material. You should be applauding his success and he should be raising you up with positive vibes on your worst day. Don’t let his success question your strength.

  • You are often trying to outdo him on various tasks.

Cleaning the dishes or doing the laundry should not be a competition. What does it matter if you fold the clothes faster than him. As long as the laundry gets done that is all that matters in the end.

  • You see him as more of an adversary than as a teammate.

Your partner should be just that, your partner, not an adversary. Take time to appreciate your partner’s strengths as well as their weaknesses. Due to the over competitive spirit that you possess your compassion may fall short and that is something that you must work each day at.

  • You feel happily superior when he fails.

Literally, this should never happen in a functional relationship. You cannot celebrate your partner’s shortcomings and failures as a success for you. When he fails, you fail. When you fail, he fails. You are a team and you are only as strong as the weakest link on any given day.

“I am convinced that the jealous, the angry, the bitter and the egotistical are the first to race to the top of mountains. A confident person enjoys the journey, the people they meet along the way and sees life not as a competition. They reach the summit last because they know God isn’t at the top waiting for them. He is down below helping his followers to understand that the view is glorious wherever you stand.”

Shannon L. Alder

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